My [25F] professor [30M] asked me to go on a date after I graduate next month. : relationships
If you date more than one former student, people may view you as . Would it be a sensible expectation that a college professor should be. Now, after the semesters over and final grades have been turned in, then I . I remember the professors who dated students in my college. Consensual professor/student relationships don't violate the rules at Professor/ student romances: '20 bad endings' for every happily ever after adjunct professor Randy Bowman and a CCM graduate both told UC.
If he breaks up with his girlfriend on his own, fine, but don't go planting ideas in his head. If you really do love him, trust him to notice if his current relationship is making him unhappy. Poaching is never, ever a good idea.
Were he single, this would be a totally different matter, but all issues of reputation pale when the question is actually, "should I try to break up someone else's relationship based on a chemistry I perceive? And if you've hung out and chatted and emailed as much as you apparently have, and he hasn't indicated that he'd like to make mad, passionate love to you, etc etc That aside, I would be leery of getting involved with a man who lives with his girlfriend.
Aside from the ethics involved - but, frankly, how can you leave the ethics of this aside? If he were single, I see no particular problem with someone dating a former mature student. If you were 19 when you were in his class, I think it's a little murkier, but if you were anywhere in your 20s, I wouldn't find it bothersome. However, I know someone who married her professor, and I do have the impression that people talked about it a lot, and that it wasn't and isn't always pleasant, particularly for him.
PS, can I tell you something, one girl to another? Don't fall into the trap of thinking that his girlfriend is an evil witch and bad for him and treats him terribly. That's not sisterly of you, man. Am I supposed to bow to the altar of the live-in relationship? Pack your bags, don't let the door hit you on the way out.
And to call it poaching? If anything, the professor would be the poacher. In any case, I think the OP was just trying to be clear about the details, not to hear your harp on hurting the other girl's feelings. People do this all the time, so I'll be the last person to say "this is always and in all circumstances against the rules!
He didn't leave my Mom for her. She is super nice. She's been my stepmom for almost a decade. I have no idea if any of this applies to you and I don't know you from Eve, but if you make the moves on a guy with a live-in and start having a committed non-fling relationship with him, you may ultimately find happiness, but you can't escape being "the other woman" and it's not unlikely that you may find yourself on the reverse side of the occasion at some future possible point where you are the long term live-in girlfriend and someone else is the hot younger student.
You're no longer his student; you're not even at his institution. There's no ethical issue with you two dating. I've known people in similar situations, and while there will always be gossip, it's certainly not perceived as "horrible". That said, I think there might be other, bigger, problems with your plans here, as other answers have pointed out.
I think that's a good point, but I also think those circumstances of the relationship and its inception are going to have a big impact on how the rumor mill responds to this. If it's something that a lot of people here think is a questionable move, then there's a pretty good chance of colleagues being less than charitable Look, he already has a serious, live-in relationship regardless of your presumptions about the quality of that relationship, and regardless of the chemisty the two of you may very well share -- worrying about the damage or lack thereof to his reputation if the two of you start dating is pretty low on the list of main issues right now.
If they break up -- and that would be their choice, not yours -- and if you and your former professor seem to then be in a place where you would mutually like to start a relationship, then you deal with the issue of his reputation. And I personally think dating a former student shouldn't do much than briefly raise a few eyebrows. I am thinking of saying something, but not sure how. I'd hate to be thought of as "the other woman" but I would like to communicate a bit of how I'm feeling.
Sorry, you can't have it both ways believe me, I speak from experience: I once faux-innocently "said something" to a male friend who I had a crush on about his obviously failing long-term relationship, and it became infinitely more complicated and painful for everyone involved than I could have ever imagined.
Either you insert yourself into their relationship as the other woman even if "just" emotionally and potentially reap the whirlwind, or you don't. Again, if your former prof breaks up with his girlfriend, and if things start moving along from there, great. But don't actively stir the pot!
I know you're hoping that by just "saying something," you'll set in motion the course of action by which he breaks up with his girlfriend and starts dating you instead, right? But even putting aside A the ethics of being the other woman, B his reputation due to dating a former student, and C the complex situation that you may unleash that's not going to be fully within your control, that's rarely good footing for any relationship to start on.
I've seen several profs who have dated former students I don't recall if any ended up marrying said studentsas it happens all male profs with female students. In some cases, they got together when she was still a student, in other cases, no one knows, but in every case a lot of people really suspected, given what happened later, that he had been sleeping with his students.
So realize that even if you're not doing anything wrong like that, many people will assume you did. That's just the way it works. On the other hand, nobody I'm thinking of got fired over their relationships, even the one who did date a student. It's good to have tenure, I guess.
Just because you're attracted to him does not mean that he's attracted to you, even if you have the chemistry to make great friends. And by the way, it is really awful of you to think about ruining someone else's relationship.
I dated my university professor – and it was a messy, eye-opening experience
Would you want someone to that to you? Have you ever been cheated on or had another woman very obviously try to steal your man? I bet you haven't. If he was single, then it would be a completely different story, and no it wouldn't be much of an issue for him to date a former student this happened while I was in graduate school between a prof and former student - they're married now, actually posted by echo at I don't think his colleagues will give much of a shit.
I know it from both sides. Some profs even like the reputation, especially if they have tenure and are careful not to cross any technical lines. Sometimes just being a flirt which your man may well be does the trick. But that isn't the real question, as everyone is saying here. He could be a lumberjack, but he's still off limits unless you want the non-career-specific hell you'd be buying for all concerned. And you don't need anyone to tell you so if you have any experience in life.
Then stay the hell away. In that case whatever rumor mill there is might not be as harmful to him professionally. Surrounded by empty bottles of red wine and smoky stacks of collected rare books, you can imagine what happened next.
The rest of my undergrad experience was peppered with our sexual encounters and spirited — at times dangerous — adventures. I became friends with his young sons. I met his mother. I hosted soirees for faculty and students alike at his downtown apartment.
One night, we got a little too carried away and he was arrested for drunk driving, with yours truly in the passenger seat.
It even made the front page of the local news. My laid-back, west coast father came to the east coast and met him. Then my hardworking, big city mother came to the east coast and met him. My friends were polarized — they thought the relationship was either charming or revolting. As for me, I felt emboldened. I had made the choice to make a grown man in a position of power shake with desire.
One night postcoital, professor and I were eating roasted nuts and drinking red wine naked in his bed. I was going through a fairly stressful time then found out my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer and it definitely reflected in my assignments.
ethics - Any ethical problems with dating a former student? - Academia Stack Exchange
He told me that he knew I had more potential than this and asked if there was anything else going on. I confided in him and he offered some words of comfort, but told me that if I needed extensions on any assignments, to tell him beforehand. I accepted the low grades but worked my ass off for the rest of the semester, which showed in my final grades. Now, I will preface this next part by saying that Mark is incredibly attractive.
Girls in the class, who normally would wear jeans and a tshirt to school, will come dressed to impress. Mark is a very good teacher, engaged and incredibly knowledgeable, but he refuses to join in on any social events, pub nights, etc.
I figured he must be incredibly private. I have a few interviews set up for positions within my field.