A younger man dating an older woman | Ask MetaFilter
When I flipped the genders — a 50 year old woman dating a 32 year old creepiness rules caps their maximum dating age at 26 ([20–7]*2). Thanks everyone I'm not sure if its casual or not since its early days, but I'm going to uni next year so that might get in the way. Also, he is a. For example, if you start dating someone who is 20 when you are 26 years old, they are within the acceptable age range, according to the rule.
Hey guys just curious if a woman who is 31 years old was into a guy who is 26 mewould the age gap be too large for it to be considered normal. It's a five year gap, and to me that just seems too much for what is "normal" It would be okay if the man was 26 and she was 21 but the other way around feels too milfy, or cougarish. But what if everything about the other person you liked, you liked their personality, you found them attractive, etc Does it say about me that I wasn't able to attract a younger woman so there is something wrong with me?
What says more about you is the fact that you would ask this question. There's no right or wrong in this sort of situation. If it's working for you then that's all there is to the matter. Of course this is fine. Maturity might be an issue, but you'll get that in any relationship, irrespective of the age difference.
There is nothing wrong with you. This relationship seems quite normal, to my eyes. Granted, I've dated people where there was a MUCH bigger age difference than this, so maybe my perspective is slightly different to other people's.
But it's not like you're 16 and she's Either you're into them or you're not. Don't go fishing subconsciously or not for reasons to not go for it.
If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But, 5 years is a silly reason to not try. If a 26 year old friend were dating a 21 year old, I'd likely question the friend's maturity level. The genders are, to me, irrelevant. If you're uncomfortable with the age difference, don't date this person. But if you like her, stop judging her and yourself for your dating choices.
Dating someone younger than you is not a badge of your sexual attractiveness, and dating someone older than you should not be viewed as a sacrifice. If you're ashamed of her or of yourself because of her age, do her the favor of breaking things off so that she can find someone who is proud to be with her. I look 26 but am 43, and my gf is Let people deal, it's not a big problem unless you make it a big problem.
It sounds like you don't respect this woman, or at least, the age difference is a deal breaker for you. What matters is what you and the woman think about this, not what we do. We met when he was in his senior year of college and 22 and I was What matters is whether your levels of maturity match, not your calendar age.
You have been trained, by our culture, to see relationships between an older man an a younger woman as normal, and the opposite as abnormal. This is't how it actually works, though; plenty of women are with younger men, especially a gap of only five years. This shows the origin of this question.
You've been taught by our society that younger women are "better. This is, to be blunt, complete sexist bullshit. Having a girlfriend who is a few years older than you says nothing about you, but worrying about it does. It says you are insecure. She was 29 when they started dating, I suppose. They got married two weeks ago. This sort of thing, as with almost any relationship, is almost entirely dependent on the people involved.
If you think this way already, what you are going to think when it's time for your friends to meet your girlfriend? Are you going to be embarrassed about her being 5 years closer to wearing Depends diapers or something? But please make sure she never sees this question or knows about your concerns because it would be really hurtful and if I were her it would be amble reason to not date you or to dump you if I was.
Also, I'd just like to request that you and society as a whole work super-hard to unpack yourselves of this notion. If you could see your way clear.
Because, "An age and power differential is okay as long as it's the man in power"? As far as your references to "milfy" or "cougarish", ummmmmmm, I'm I'm not a mom or even vaguely matronly. You and I most likely have virtually identical life experiences and overall approaches to the world. We like the same bands, watch the same TV shows and movies, and are nostalgic about the same Saturday morning cartoons.
You, on the other hand, sound immature and judgmental about both gender relations and age, and so it probably won't work out, unless your prospective girlfriend is willing to be considered milfy or a cougar, but she probably won't. This does not seem to be the case here. She needs to be dating someone more in her maturity bracket.
You need to mature some more. I would never ever date a woman and not be proud of her, and hide her from my friends, it wouldnt be fair. I haven't even asked her out yet but it seems like she wants me to.
If I was in a relationship with her then I'd most certainly be happy with what she was posted by curious-mind at 2: If you want to date this woman, pursue that goal. That as a statistic men chase younger women, and dating an older woman is looked upon as failing to be able to compete with other men.
So far so good. He's not concerned about the difference at all. If you two really gel as a couple then people won't see a 5 year difference in your ages. Yeah, I think you're probably too immature for this relationship, dude. Cut this shit out. Anyway, in my early-mid 30s I dated a guy very seriously for several years who was about four years younger. The reasons it didn't work out had nothing to do with our age gap. Where two twentysomethings can wait and see where things go, maybe get married, maybe think about kids when it feels right - a couple in their 30's do have to face the reality that female fertility starts declining after So if you don't think you want kids in the next 10 years, and she does -- the relationship can't work in the long run.
It sounds from your question and followups that you're focusing on a lot of superficial externals about how it might affect you rather than the heart of the matter - what is she looking for in you?
Gwyneth Paltrow is five years older than Chris Martin. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I know if I were in her year-old shoes I would want to know if I was seeing someone who used the word "cougar" seriously in any non-feline context, let alone applied to how others might view our relationship, has no problem with a double standard, i. If she doesn't know, I suggest you tell her. She might chose to make this a non-issue for you. A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay?
I think it's just fine if a 26 year old man is dating a 31 year old woman. But, if we're talking about a 26 year old guy, I'm not so sure.
If you're 26, would you date a 20 year old?
Just noticed that 15 comments have been posted since I started writing. I'm betting that I'm not the only one who is giving you grief about this question. Who do you want to date? Her or other men? It's a fine age gap for anyone. Best of luck -- you're gonna need it.
OK, I'm here to tell you: You know the saying, "Haters gonna hate"? You, sincere internet stranger who is making a valiant effort to figure this out, are not a statistic. You may plug into some venn diagrams every once in a while, but the value judgements you make for your own time in life need not be unduly influenced by lying numbers or hype and spin or anything other than your own notion of where the ship you and only you are steering is headed.
Does that make it bad or a bad idea? I don't think so, but that's your decision to make. What people might think of you as a couple is just one of many factors that go into deciding whether to pursue a specific relationship. It's not wrong to consider it, either, but talking about it in this particular way reinforces a lot of gross sexist norms so I suggest not bringing it up like this around other people or around this woman.
Why do you care what other people think about your prospective relationship, or what they might think about you on the basis of who you date?
While it's natural to wonder about the various consequences of a difference in age, I think your would-be sweetheart might be a bit taken aback to learn that you had to ask the Internet whether dating her would be "OK. They haven't even gone on a date. I don't think kids need to be a factor in the dating process quite yet. It's never been any kind of issue. On the other hand, at the tender age of 26 I think of myself as a grown man and I wouldn't lower myself to taking advice from a bunch of bros in the comment section of a dating website so maybe our experiences are very different.
For what it's worth - not much, by the way - some women my own age have told me that the fact that I was dating a 40 year old raised their opinion if me.
If you're 26, would you date a 20 year old? | IGN Boards
But you should not be using the identity of the person you date as a status symbol because it's repulsive. My sister-in-law and my ex-sister-in-law are both five or six years older than my brother, and I don't think either relationship has had, or had, any issues relating to their age difference.
I don't know what to say about your apparent internalized belief that men "should be" older than their female partners or they'll lose status, except a it's certainly a widespread cultural meme in lots of places, and b in my experience, cultural memes like that are usually obstacles to creating relationships that work for you, not for random TV gossip shows or shock jocks or whoever.
In that sense dating an older woman reflects well on you. Older women, because of their confidence and experience, also make better lovers. I would really encourage you to disabuse yourself of the subconscious misogyny you've indicated in your post and follow-ups so that you can be worthy of her interest. Plutarch, in his biography of Marc Antony, remarks that Cleopatra met Antony "at the very time when women have the most brilliant beauty.
Notwithstanding, what are YOU comfortable with? And the line about not able to attract a younger woman. You fall in love with whom you fall in love with.
We had a lot of fun in the time we were together. Our work was similar, we liked the same movies, the same books, we had the same political views, our musical tastes overlapped.
Eventually he was transferred to another city and that was that, but we had a terrific time. No one, including the two of us, gave any thought to the age difference, because it was never evident.
Except when he makes fun of 80s music. My question is regardless of your concerns, how is anyone even going to know you are dating a 31 year old unless you tell them? Men want much younger women for less committed, more private relationships e. For those types of relationships, men looked for women younger than the lower limits of the creepiness rule.
For more committed and public relationships, men looked for women closer to their own age. Men and women have no interest in dating as old as the creepiness rule allows. So I decided to find the answers myself.
- How Young is Too Young to Date?
I created a survey. Although I could have hit the streets of New York and surveyed people in-person Buunk style, I decided to mTurk my survey. I try to avoid as much social interaction in my daily life as possible.
19/20 year old girl dating a 27 year old? - The Student Room
This can vary from transcribing a movie, to identifying an item on a receipt, to taking a survey about hypothetical romantic relationships. Within a few days I got responses: As John and Lauren got older, however, the creepiness rule differed from how people actually responded. Yet according to the survey, 37 was well outside the age range of what is socially acceptable.
The results also showed that the creepiness rule is too restrictive about how old you can date when you are young, but becomes too lenient as you get older. Yet, people surveyed were fine with John and Lauren seeing someone in their early 30's. When John and Lauren are 60, the creepiness rule allows them to date anyone older than themselves the official cap is However, society places more restrictive age limits of 71 and 75 respectively.
Overall, the creepiness rule does not accurately represent what people find socially acceptable; people are more judgmental than what the creepiness rule implies. If the creepiness rule is wrong, then I needed a new rule to guide my non-existent love life.